Respectful Weaning: A Journey Through Motherhood

There are various approaches to weaning, but I was determined to make it a respectful process.

Reflecting on my experience with my first child, I acknowledge that I didn’t handle it well. At 14 months old, we had spent three months alone together while his father was on tour in Italy. The exhaustion was overwhelming, juggling household responsibilities, work, and daily routines with a toddler who wasn’t yet in daycare.

As nights wore on, he began waking every hour, asking for breast milk. I was desperate for sleep, often stealing hours to work in the early morning. By the time I finally got to bed, I was in a constant state of fatigue. I was exhausted—so much so that my hair started falling out in clumps!

When his father returned, I decided to wean him almost abruptly, with his dad stepping in at night with a bottle and the patience to comfort him through the tears. Naturally, there were tears. After two weeks, he accepted it, and I relieved myself of the guilt from our shared sorrow.

However, that summer, a few months later and with my breast more accessible, he suddenly asked for it again. I was taken aback but realized how small he still was and that perhaps he wasn’t ready—and neither was I. We resumed breastfeeding in a calmer, less dependent manner, which felt much more comforting for both of us.

This breastfeeding phase lasted nearly another year. It wasn’t daily, but it occurred during moments when he needed that unique attachment. We navigated the pandemic together, during which my belly grew with his little brother. Despite the chaos around us, he presented me with one of the most touching gestures: he lifted my shirt and verbally said goodbye to my breasts, offering two kisses as he prepared to share them with his future sibling.

Respectful weaning refers to a process of ending breastfeeding that considers the child’s feelings, avoiding force and minimizing tears. It is an organized, gradual, and assertive approach that benefits both mother and child.

Fast forward two years, and with my second child, I was determined from the start to do things differently. I sought information, spoke with other mothers, and, most importantly, listened to my child. I stood firm against external opinions about whether it was time to wean him, whether to let him cry, or even bizarre suggestions like putting something unpleasant on my nipples or hanging a soiled diaper on the roof!

Now, five months into my respectful weaning journey, I can proudly say that we’ve gone a week without any breastfeeding sessions, day or night. There have been some tears along the way, but they were shared, accompanied by hugs, words of comfort, songs, and a mutual discovery of how “grown-up” he is becoming, and of how much I love him even without breastfeeding.

It’s important to remember that once complementary feeding begins, breastfeeding stops being the primary source of nutrition. However, it encompasses so much more—love, comfort, contact, and security. Therefore, it’s advisable to initiate weaning during a stable emotional period for both mother and child, avoiding any significant milestones for the baby or crises for the mother.

Feeling secure and calm is crucial, and it’s essential to recognize that the process can take several months. Natural weaning, which occurs when a child decides to stop breastfeeding on their own, can happen anywhere between two and a half to seven years of age, so any steps we take should be very respectful of Both of Us.

In our family bed, with siblings sharing a room, I must mention that this second weaning involved both my children. My eldest, now five, listened to me recount the story of breastfeeding and the baby during the first nights of weaning, and he consciously revisited his own weaning experience, engaging in discussions about it with his younger brother.

Is there an infallible trick? No, there isn’t. Any advice? A lot of love and respect for your child and for yourself. The most important thing is that every mother, if she can quiet the external noise, knows what, how, and when to proceed.

If you’re looking for further reading or inspiring stories to guide you along this path, I can share some recommendations that have helped me.